The Choice

Every morning, the babe and I take an early morning walk around our neighborhood; I’ve made the habit of listening to one podcast (30-45mins) each walk. Mostly its become my quiet time with Jesus; refilling my spiritual tank for the morning. My Dad, Sister and I have gotten in the habit of sending each other podcast to listen to, which is nice because a)I know its going to be GOOD and b)I don’t have to spend hours perusing the millions of podcast to find that ONE thats going to speak to my heart.

Yesterday, my Dad sent us one that, I thought, “ok, Ill add that to my list, and hopefully will get to it before the end of the month”. But this morning, I felt incredibly drawn to this podcast, which to me is my spiritual compass pulling me towards something that God wants me to hear.

There are very few times that I have been brought to tears by a podcast, but this one , spoke RIGHT directly to my heart. It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. The podcast was from Oprah’s Super Soul series, it was a conversation with Dr. Edith Eva Eger, who is a 90 year old holocaust survivor, who has written a book entitled “The Choice”. Dr. Eger who was in her teens when captured by the Nazi’s and sent to Auschwitz, later went to college to obtain her Ph.D in psychology to help and counsel others. She is an incredible soul, that absolutely had a purpose in this world to survive all she survived.

As I listened to her speak, I had to stop several times to type up some of her quotes (much to the babe’s dismay as we MUST keep moving at all times!). Her conversation spoke directly to my heart, she survived horrible atrocities. And I too, as a chronic migraine sufferer endure daily trauma. But how can one say that what she survived is any worse than what I too survive every single day. They are both traumas, traumas to our heart, body and soul. And I CHOOSE every day to keep “never stop climbing” the mountain. I too make a choice every day to be positive. One thing that she said that was particularly heart provoking, was that “you can’t let THIS murder your spirit”, with THIS being whatever it is that you are facing. Whether its a high pain day, or a low pain day; I can NOT let THIS disease kill the person that I am at my core. I make a CHOICE every day to stay positive and to keep going; for “if I survive today, Ill be free tomorrow”. What prolific words from a woman who survived SO MUCH to share her story.

Being a mom, wife and chronic pain suffer is not easy, but I have a CHOICE every day to be a better version of myself. Some days are harder than others, but hearing this woman’s words brought tears to my eyes. One thing that she speaks about is how keeping secrets; hiding whatever ails us from the world and ourselves, is extremely detrimental to our soul; “when we don’t allow ourselves to grieve our losses, wounds and disappointments we are doomed to keep reliving them. WOW..did she hit the nail on the head right there. I have walked a long battle with this pain, but by pushing it down and not allowing myself to grieve the loss of the life I dreamed of, of the daily pain that keeps me from working in a career I love so deeply, of not allowing myself to “feel the feelings” I have about the mom I wish I could be—I am hurting my growth process and making my bad days seem worse than what they are.

If you have a moment, listen to this podcast, I think it will speak to your soul as it did mine. Chronic pain is a trauma and we need to process that grief so that we can CHOOSE to be positive and to “never stop climbing” the mountain to a better version of you. If you don’t feel strong today, then try again tomorrow, or the next day. And if you need someone to cheer you on, send me a message..I’ll be your cheerleader. I am forever changed by this disease, but the growth and deep spiritual connection that have come out of all this change has made me a better version of me. So yes, those dreams that I had as a child have been squashed, and my life may look nothing like I thought it would…THATS OK…keep climbing friends….KEEP climbing!

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