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Modern Migraine Mama

Creating Community Through My Migraine Journey

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the.mindful.migraineur79@gmail.com

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I’m not holding your hand YOU are holding mine.

There is a weird dichotomy between being a full time working mom and living with a chronic illness. My “sick” days are no longer mine. I CANT spend hours lying in bed waiting for the pain and nausea to pass. I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and let the show go on.

My eyes fluttered it’s 3 am, I can hear the train blowing it’s whistle a ways off in the distance—I didn’t notice it all at first but after a few minutes it comes rushing in like a thud—the stab behind my eye, the subtle nausea, stiff neck and throbbing head. It slowly intensifies as I lay in the dark trying to decide do I try to go back to sleep, or creep downstairs to get an ice pack. I roll over thinking a new position may subside the pain. But at this point the pain has reached a point where I know I have to get up and get ice. It’s too late to take any meds now and try to go back to sleep, the train whistle blows again signaling that it’s been an hour since I was awoken with this attack. I hear in the next room the sound of my son, waking for the day. I sigh, and drag myself from the bed, nauseous and my body throbbing with pain. I would like to say that I was a novice to this scenario—but I’ve been enduring this cycle of pain for most of my life. Being an expert at chronic pain is not what I ever dreamed for myself as a young girl. But here I am—exposing to the world what chronic migraine looks like. The real, raw every day experiences of living with this neurologic illness. For my fellow fighters I see you. Together let’s expose to the world what living with this illness looks like. It’s not just a headache, it’s so much more—it envelopes your life, disrupting everything. And this happens most days of the week for me. Every day may not be to this intensity, but the pain is always there, lurking quietly in the background waiting for enough triggers to enact yet another attack cycle.

REMEMBER friends. That each day, even if the day feels like a disaster, You CAN find moments of JOY. Birds CAN sing on a rainy day.

As a parent and caretaker—I never stop caring for myself, my husband and my son. I am constantly making those ever so slight tweaks to the daily routine to make it work better, flow more smoothly or even stave the pain away a little longer. But when a BIG sickness enters our tiny biome, which is our family. It can throw everything off. My husband and I are getting MUCH less sleep, the daily things I need to do to function as a chronic migraine sufferer get pushed to the side and the more pressing tasks are pushed forward. Caring for our sick son is NEVER a fun tasks, but that doesn’t mean that it cant have some rewards. Like a little hand hold at nap time, or an extra cuddle during cartoons. These tweaks to our daily life that are unexpected, are often the ones that press the biggest on your heart.♥️

Living with this illness there is always that creeping feelings that I some how caused this illness to happen. BUT The reality is that this illness was written on my DNA since the day I was born.

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